I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
