sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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