i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
