I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
