Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
