I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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