as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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