just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
