she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The uberlube is also flammable
sex in a hospital.. check
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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