When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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