I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
