North Korea, Best Korea!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
