please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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