i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
