So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
