the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
