Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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