Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
