your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
