she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
