We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
