i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
