You're completely useless in the revolution.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
