I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
