it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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