I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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