Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize