im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
is that a dick in a sweater?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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