I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
