Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
