Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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