I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize