you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
