Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
