she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
