Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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