I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
