He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
