i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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