Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
