So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
