my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
