shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
