I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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