i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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