I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
