he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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