please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
