you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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