I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
