I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
