Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
