Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
