dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
