Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
