if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize