Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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