also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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