Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
