he puts the penis in happiness.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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