Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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