The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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