You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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