Sponge bath it is.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
