I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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