Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
