So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
