He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
