Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
