One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
