so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
