my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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