wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
