she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my moral compass just broke
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
