guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
