i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
