Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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